You Know You Are Doing Too Much Karate If… (pt. 2)

Some fun people over at MartialArtsPlanet.com expanded on my previous post (You Know You Are Doing Too Much Karate If…), so I thought I would share their discoveries, with a part 2!

Here we go:

You Know You Are Doing Too Much Karate If…

  • You do checking drills on the handle of your shopping cart while waiting in line at the grocery store.
  • You sometimes kiai in the face of random strangers.
  • You find yourself combing the hair of some stranger at the bus stop with your foot.
  • You sometimes talk with a badly dubbed Japanese accent.
  • Whilst out shopping, you tap the back of your wife’s head with your foot, then when she turns around you look the other way and whistle, pretending it wasn’t you.
  • You get the entire pub making bets against whether or not you can knock a packet of crisps off your mate’s head with a jumping spinning hook kick (knowing full well you can).
  • You use your foot to flick the box of corn flakes off the top shelf and into the shopping cart in your local supermarket.
  • You kick the power-punch machine at the arcades instead of punching it.
  • You prefer to axe kick the urinal flush when visiting public toilets.

And to top it off, here is a “true” story:

“I started choking yesterday in a restaurant. A good samaritan nearby started to perform the Heimlich maneuver. Probably saved my life.

As soon as my breathing was restored, I pulled off a reversal, took his back, and choked him unconscious.

You can imagine my embarrassment.”

-Stuart

And while were at it, here’s some fun Karate jokes.

Helga’s mom brought her to her first Karate competition.

Noting that the organizers seemed a little shorthanded she approached the table. “Good morning!” she said to the director, “You look a little shorthanded. Anything I can do to help?”

“Well it just so happens we’re short a fighter for the under 90 kg division” the director replied.

“Sorry” Helga’s mom said, “I don’t know a thing about Karate.” “That’s OK” said the director. “We need referees, too.”

If your a referee, don’t take it personal!

Here’s another:

“There were two women who continued to compete in Karate tournaments well past their prime.  One day, while relaxing after yet another successful competition, they were chatting and wondering if there was Karate in Heaven.

So, they made a pact that whoever passed away first would come back and let the other know.

About a week later, one of the women passed away. About a month after that the surviving woman was at yet another competition when all of a sudden she saw a ghost! Sure enough, it was her old friend who had come back to see her.

“Well, please tell me,” asked the surviving woman. “Are there Karate competitions in Heaven?”

“I have good news and bad news for you,” replied the ghost to her old Karate friend.  “The good news is that, yes, there are Karate competitions in Heaven.  The bad news is… your first match is against Funakoshi the day after tomorrow!”

And finally, a last one:

“A big, muscular guy walks into a bar, and there is a smaller man sitting at a bar stool, so the larger man went over to him and whacked him right in the neck, and as the smaller man fell off the barstool the larger man said “That was a Kung-Fu chop from China!” and takes the smaller mans seat.

The next day the large man walked into the bar again and the little man was again sitting at that same bar stool, so the larger man walked over to him and whacked him righ upon his head again. As the smaller man fell off he said “That was a Karate chop from Japan!”

The next day it was a little different, because the larger man sat at the bar stool, and the little man walked over to him and whacked him righ on his head, and the larger man fell unconscious to the floor. The smaller man turned to the bartender and said “When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from my garage!”

That last one is wonderful!

5 Comments

  • Diego Romero
    i have one!one day the devil is bored, and proposes to god organizing a karate tournament.god thinks this strange, but he agrees anyway, and on the day of the competition he tells the devil:"yo, lucy, what's up? you do realize my team is going to win this by far, don't you? what makes you think you can win? i have all the masters, i have matsumura, mabuni, funakoshi, motobu, all of them!"so the devil smiles and tells him:"yeah, but who do you think brought all the refs?"=D
  • Drew
    @ Diego Romero LOL. nice joke ^^
  • Lecé
    Shit¡¡ That urinals flush thing is completely true¡¡¡:)
  • Stephen
    One for the karateka in Australia: You know you've been doing to much Karate when you bow on the way in to vote.
  • Marx
    Am I the only one who kicks the light switch instead of pushing it? Hahaha

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