Top 18 Facts About The Chuck

“A good laugh makes a good day.”

And sometimes I think we all need to laugh a bit more. Being involved in the Martial Arts tends to make people overly serious.

So… today I thought we should laugh with The Chuck.

Of course I am talking about the legendary Chuck Norris (who’s real name happens to be Carlos Ray Norris! Who put the Chuck in there?).

As you all probably know, in all of his movies and TV-shows, he frequently has a “tough image” and throws roundhouse kicks left and right. Well, some people found this quite fun, so they made a bunch of jokes. And when I say a bunch, I mean thousands!

I tried to choose some good ones. And I admit these are not really brand new, but they’re still guaranteed to make you laugh!

Here we go. (I’ll start with a classic)

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

5. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

6. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

7. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

8. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

9. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

10. Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.

11. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. But never his own.

12. Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

13. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

14. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

15. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

16. On Neil Armstrong’s second step on the moon, he found a note that said, “Chuck Norris was here.”

17. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

18. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

____________

Yup, that’s it! Now I just hope Chuck Norris does not know about this site.

Otherwise he would probably delete the internet.

chuck_norris

14 Comments

  • Dan Gurley
    Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the world down.Love your site Jesse!Later, Dan
  • @DanSo there we have a perfectly logical explanation for earthquakes! :)Thanks!/Jesse
  • Shayan
    1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.6. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.These two are the best facts , in my opinion :DYour website is awesome btw!
  • Diego Romero
    Chuck Norris' computer has no control key, because he is always in control.
  • Julia
    Chuck Norris is dead. Death is just to scared to tell him.
  • Haha that's a new one!
  • deera bazooka
    haha very funny! why chuck? why not anybody else? :-P
  • Gerry
    Why doesn't Chuck Norris shave? Razors are afraid they may get cut on his skin...My sorry attempt at a Chuck Norris joke.
  • Achim
    Chuck Norris doesn't switch on the light. He switches darkness off.
  • Cory
    Chuck Norris doesn't have near-death experiences, Death has near-Chuck Norris experiences.
  • Akshat
    Why are there more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee? Because Bruce lee is no joke !
  • Akshat
    1)Fear of foreigners is called Xenophobia, fear of heighs is called acrophobia, fear of chuck norris is called logic. 2)Chuck norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Now we know it's descendants as giraffes. 3)Chuck norris has a tiger carpet in his living room. The tiger is not dead, it's just too afraid to move.
  • Carla M. Kirkland
    My absolute favorite is, "Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
  • Tryggve Rick
    Maybe I’ll try the CN & Tax thing.

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